Quick Update

I know that I am majorly slacking as a blogger, but I will post pictures and stories soon. I have had "update blog" on my to-do list all weekend. Evan and I are actively looking for a house, and we may have found one, so that is absorbing much of my time. I am also applying for jobs around and about, and all of this has put me a step behind.

I feel so very busy most of the time. In a regular day, to stay healthy and happy one is supposed to do 10 billion things. Floss, read, knit, exercise, work full-time, spend quality time reading to the kids, cook wonderful wholesome meals, work-out, keep up the paper work, clean the house, keep your friends, feed the dog, and for goodness sakes, I am out of breathe, so that's my excuse. Snow IS in the forecast, and I AM counting on having a day off this week to post some cutesie pics of the little ones. Love to all.

I hope I don't Jinx it!

Elijah has had 3 consecutive nights of glorious sleep. He's been waking 1-2 times. Once for each parent. Woooooo-hoooooo. Just thought I'd share the good. More, much more later. Peace out.

Wilco and Thrush (what a combo!)

ElijahbeanOne of the main reasons that we moved to Nashvegas some 5 years ago was our mutual attraction to the music scene here. Pre-kids we went out frequently to dance our booties off. Well, I danced, Evan mainly just bobbed his head. Not to sound like complete party animals, but Evan and I got to go out on Wednesday night this week, too. Anyhoo, we went to see Jeff Tweedy of Wilco. He played a quaint, warm, sit-down show at TPAC. The entire night, I felt like we were getting away with something.



Also, in the news, and completely separately, Evan and Ollie went to the store tonight to pick up some formula, or as my mama friends call it "Devil's Milk." While in line, there was a woman in front of him and a man behind that knew one another. The woman made some sort of comment about how glad she was that she didn't have to worry about formula because she breast fed. I am so glad I wasn't there. First, I would have cried. Which I did when Evan told me, and then I would have gone off. I maybe would have shown her, a complete stranger, my bloody, blue nipples, and drowned her with a whole story of my trial and error voodoo to get rid of this curse.



But, this encounter got me thinking. Seriously, most women that I know, women that have nursed themselves and haven't had any problems, really cannot fathom what a problem thrush is, or for that matter any type of problems with nursing. Wrapped up in the physical problem, is all sorts of internal strife and guilt. Evan's measly encounter with a women who made an off-hand, no-nothing-about-his-situation comment made me cry (what if I where dead, and he HAD to give him formula???). I guess what I am getting at here is that you just really never know a person's situation. You often can't see pain or understand a person's motives. Nevertheless, so often we are quick to be proud and judge one another based on or own experiences. I am the same way!



I am self conscious about formula in part because I respect my friends and I don't want them to judge me based on our necessity, my necessity to give Eli formula at 8 months of age. I often feel like a failure and surely as if I am not living up to my toughmama image. It makes me feel un-cool not to nurse exclusively. I then have to stop and think that all these reasons are so stupid, and no-one's really thinking of me anyway, and when I have I EVER cared what other's thought, and for pete's sake, the kid IS 8 months old.



Okay, enough rambling, but tonight, yet again, I am reminded of the statement about pride coming before a fall. I am reminded not to judge others, and lastly, I am reminded that I should treasure every intimate moment that I am allowed with my children including when I have the pleasure of feeding them. Even if it is formula every once in a while.

The Aviator

Eli the fix-it man.

Climbing In!

One of Evan's Christmas gifts was a flight on a 1946 vintage World War 2 plane. I think he really enjoyed it.This is the plane.

While the kids are away

The parents will play!! Both boys are deliciously spending the night with their grandmother tonight, and though I am very worried about her, I am so thrilled. We are having a couple of people over for drinks and games and maybe some adult conversation. No one invited even has children, so I may not be able to talk about boobs or poop all evening! As I prepare, I am struck by the thought that there are many things that have changed since having children. The following is a list of only a few things that non-children having folks might get to enjoy.....

-Lighting candles without the risk of someone burning the entire house down.
-Having drinks, then sleeping.
-Sleeping past 5AM after having said drinks.
-Being able to laugh, hoot, holler, and yes, even listen to music loudly, if it comes to that.
-Not tripping over humongous items made of plastic all evening. (we hid most evidence that our house usually resembles a play ground)

Thanks again, mamasita. You rock in so many ways.

Pictures of a young aviator coming soon. Stay tuned!

Sleep Log and the Not-so-supermom blues

Ok, let's get honest. Those closest to me already know, but sleep in this house is almost non-existent. We keep a record on the dry-erase board on the fridge. Last night Eli was awake as such: 7:24, 7:41, 7:59, 8:37 (Notice the proximity of time is such that I was able to close my eyes, think "this might be it")(Also note, that each time, the kid was limp, totally asleep, totally oblivious to the dog barking or sirens or anything.)(Also note, that I wasn't actually asleep yet, but rather pouting in bed because I was soooo tired.)OK, then awake again at 11:36, 12:03, 12:22, 1:47-2:00, and blissfully asleep until 5:03, which I might add was 3 minutes after my alarm, instead of before, which he has been doing. So. I DID get 3 hours of uninterrupted, which kept me sane today with 150 teenagers, but not enough to keep me up partying on a Friday night.

I vaguely remember the same thing with Ollie. Actually I remember the most one night in particular: getting on the computer with a full glass of wine, and thinking, I can drink more than 1 glass if I choose, because it is relatively certain that he is going to sleep all night. So deep down I know that this will pass, and I will miss rocking and cuddling, as even now the almost 3 year old will rarely let me do. But for now, quite frankly, it is hell. We hate it. And yes the hubby helps, but I am nursing, and even when he goes out to "put a cork in it" or put the paci in, I am still awake. Wide awake.

May I bitch some more? Okay, let's while I'm on a role. Thrush is the worse curse known to women. Awful. I believe that I am going to have to throw in the towel, and go to formula only. I hate it. But, I truly feel like someone has slit my nipples with razors, and is pouring alcohol on them every time I nurse. My nipples are dry, cracked, oozing, and aching. I carry them around like road kill. It hurts worse knowing many women that have survived it, have survived worse, nurse til children are past 2 and on. I don't know that I can do that, and sometimes I rationalize it and say, well, I work full time, etc... And other times I feel like a big cop-out failure. A little pain and straight to the bottle I go. I keep thinking that if I just hang on it will go away. I have had it since way before Christmas, and no change except for the worse. I feel like showing my nipples to every person I know so they can say, yep, time to stop nursing, those are the worst nipples I have ever seen. Oh, and for the public!! I am more embarrassed to bottle feed in public than to nurse. For some reason I feel like that says something about me. Like I don't care enough about my children! Like I don't trust God and nature enough! Oh my! Ackkkk, such turmoil!

Video, take 2

If you can see this, please let me know some how. Thanks. Love to all. P.S. turn on your speakers!

Keep your fingers crossed!

Or say a prayer. We really would love if Ollie was accepted into the public Montessori school program here in Nashville. The students are accepted via lottery which will be held tomorrow morning. One is for Standford Montessori , which you can see here: http://www.schooldigger.com/go/TN/schools/0318001707/school.aspx
Or for Hull-Jackson http://www.mnps.org/AssetFactory.aspx?did=12009. Either school would be a blessing, and we are excited to even be in the lottery. To find out more about Montessori in general, click here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori#Concepts .

In Eli's world, still no sleep. He sleeps about 1 1/2 hours at a time. At 3 this morning, he went down for several hours, but my alarm went off at 5:15, so that didn't really afford very much uniterrupted sleep. Ack!!

Pictures later, but say us a prayer. Thanks.

Feliz 2007!

Eli and Hannah the Great sporting pio pio shirts.
Hannah was born the day after Eli!! A real sweet picture of Uncle Ethie and Danielle.
Mean ol' Mommy making Ollie take pictures with the babies. They immediately attacked his head! On the farm in Indiana with Ginger's hat on!

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Well, maybe not. I can't resist a few comments. My lovely, smart, skinny SIL hosted a perfect family Christmas at her house in Indiana for New Year's. So the other baby in these pictures are the delightfully happy Hannah the Great. Also, we took Ollie to "the farm" in Indiana. Needless to say he had blast. I love you all.